The Blogs

12 25 & 12 26 07

12 25 07
I’m in the breakfast room of the La Quinta Inn South in Tallahassee. It’s an ok motel, a few notches below the Hampton Inn which means the breakfast doesn’t have any boiled eggs or sausage patties. Every single thing here has sugar or corn syrup except the hot drinks and hopefully the juices.

Release time is over


So sleepy I could lie down on the carpet in my office right now and go to sleep.

First day back at work. The Commissioner is moved over to the Bloomberg Family Foundation.

I'm trying to remember jokes

Sick Again

12 19 06
Another cold. Chest, head, nose..Not like the last one where I felt I couldn't move. This one I feel feverish, but don't crave sleep. I've been having lots of odd dreams. I have to sleep propped up on three pillows because I can't breathe. (Thinking of the story W told me of the woman who choked to death on her own phlegm. Lots of those this is what a deathbed must feel like thoughts.) I'm at work although I shouldn't be because I'm afraid to be home sick this time around. Most times I long to be home when I'm sick. I'm afraid of being attacked by food. Of killing myself with food.

Gone in 40 years: the global icecap

12 12 06
Brain dead, besieged, erased..within moments of walking in, even with the beautiful white xmas plant that the 41st st mensches gave me for my birthday...

E said the planning meeting for tomorrow was unpleasant, he had no voice..


12 11 06

Sixty years old inwardly 12 or younger
At the party I asked for appreciations
and I may remember some of what they said

Gina: Good friend, good listener, dynamic vibrant an inspiration hopes hopes she can be like me at 60, I've gone to all of her performances from the very beginning...ooh I'm present when I'm there I'm fully there

Is the only emancipation from wage slavery death?

How do I proceed, push forward, finish something, this...PE
Or in theory would it go on forever until she emancipates from wage slavery? Is there any other way to emancipate besides death?

I want to say that in the next three months I will try the Constant Writer project...writing everything pretty much I do at work in note taking/ note making forms


Directions for Talking Straight


While reading The Zen of Listening

Maybe it's listening to them straight...
Stressful listening situations...
full blown arguments
disciplinary events
job interviews
talking to the boss


Tomorrow is Fidel Castro's 80th birthday. He was 20 when I was born. When I stood on the balcony at the Calle 15 apartment in El Vedado, reading the clouds for signs of my future, imagining that some day I would be a significant world leader, he was already on his way to becoming one.


I get disappointed when what I figure out doesn't magically stop others from running their patterns. I figure out one way to listen better to my archenemies at work, but that doesn't magically make them stop running their confused, harsh patterns. And my pattern of wanting to live under a permanent metaphorical bed, inside my own blinkered head, rears up.



Nobody gets it. Nobody believes it. They think it's a session but it's real. (That's how it feels). I manage to cover it up, act like life goes on, but interiorly I know I won't live through it. Oh, I'll appear to live through it, but interiorly I'll be dying. Dying, cumulatively dying, until one of these Mondays I'll truly fully be dead.


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