Dream

Dream

I dream that the house grew another floor with lots of weird space, broken through floors, water dripping from the roof on one end. In the front bedroom I notice a door I've never seen before. I open it onto a staircase that rises half a flight, turns at an angle, keeps rising. At the top is a strange room like an attic and a loft. Somebody is living there, but who? I keep going and there are rooms beyond rooms and at the far end of a big space there is a room set up to be somebody's bedroom. There is a narrow bed and along one wall a collection of dolls [are these my dolls from Ventura? but many of them are those long blonde gringa dolls I never wanted to own]. Who lives here? The room is surrounded by emptiness and dust and clutter and still the dripping water at one end, but it is orderly, safe, serene, filled with little girl stuff.

I see the missing woman, whoever she is, walking past. I am excited to have found her. She keeps going. There are many more rooms. I dream that I must give this dream to the story and search frantically for my laptop. It is a dream about somebody's disappearance, Ernesto's or Ori's. Has he been there all along? He has been there all along. Or how is it he has been there all along?

Does that mean the room must be transformed into a boy's room, the shelf filled with transformer toys and action figures and toy uzis?

I keep the dream going until I wake up. I can't, won't let it go. To have found the dolls! And to have managed to hold on to the experience of finding in my sleep for so long. Usually that moment vanishes from my dreams right away.

When I wake up I feel very alone, though. Very lonely. It's true there are patterns of O's I didn't trust but he believed it was him I didn't trust and that separated us.