Rebelde (cuts)

Gaby smoothed his school uniform pants and kept walking, clinging to the schoolyard wall, blending. He kept smoothing his pants as he walked. This was the first year he wore long pants and by now at the end of the day they were wrinkled. It crossed his mind he'd better take them off as soon as he got home so the wrinkles would work themselves out before morning, before Mami saw them. Did she expect him to stand straight all day in school? His life had been easier in the good old days with shorts. In the old days of first and second grade his knees got scraped but his pants stayed smooth. This was third grade and he was an hombrecito and must keep his pants smooth and unstained.
He called out to Peri. "Avanza, avanza"; but not too loud. They were blending. They pressed their bodies close to the schoolyard wall. Nobody had to see them; especially not the Reverendo Elpidio. There was nobody their age left in the school. They'd all gone home with their mothers. The older boys had left on their own to mataperrear by the river, or to walk around the Plaza after having refrescos and galletas at La Tertulia across from the big Catholic church. Only Gaby and Peri hung around the school yard until the Reverendo was ready to walk them home. Peri's mother helped his Father run their Joyeria and Gaby's Mother had a big fat belly where the new baby was swimming in a private ocean all his own.
They could hear the sounds of all the boys screaming in the Plaza, playing a los agarrados, a los escondidos. Their boys in the tan pants mixed in with the boys from the Catolica in dark blue pants, and the Publica in wine red pants, boys mixing then regrouping, mixing then regrouping, all their white shirts getting limp from sweat and smeared with dirt. But not Gaby and Peri; they didn't get to mataperrear although this year at last their uniforms had long pants, and some of their classmates had started going home on their own, trying their luck breaking into the groups of mataperros in the park or by the river. Gaby and Peri stayed in the schoolyard where they were inching their way to the bleachers, blending all the way, invisible against the schoolyard wall overgrown with enrredaderas, prohibidos de mataperrear by the Reverendo and by Peri's Father who was the principal Anciano of the church.
They climbed up the bleachers along the shady side close to the tree by the wall. They sat and pretended to do what the free boys did for real, mataperrear. They waved their arms in the air and brought their index and middle fingers to their lips, holding the fingers apart to signify their imaginary cigarettes.
"Diablo muchachos." They jumped and brought their hands to their laps. La Loca del Patio had caught them despite all their skillful blending. "Diablos." She screamed louder as she stepped out from the darkness of her shed. Her existence surely proved Papi was as crazy as she was. Who would let a Loca live in a school yard? Now La Loca was about to catch them. They ran down taking the steps in twos and kept running and thank God no other boys saw them run. They waved to Papi who was in his oficina talking to a couple from the church. They didn't wait to ask for permission but kept running, avoiding the Plaza, only slowing down when they passed the Cuartel where two soldiers in caqui uniforms cradled long rifles and guarded the door, and lots of soldiers smoking cigarettes took their breaks across the street.
They ran all the way to Peri's house, pushed open the heavy double doors and ran past the Senoritas sitting with Peri's Sister Carmencita.. The Senoritas drank cafe and talked about the wedding Peri's sister was going to have in the Iglesia any day now, unless her novio El Rubio didn't come back from the Cordillera Vertebral. Gaby heard Papi telling Mami El Rubio had gone to La Cordillera to join the rebeldes. El rubio was a guerrillero. The senoritas were all fingering a length of white shiny fabric and barely looked at the streak of running boys.
Maybe later Papi would have something to say about Gaby and Peri's escape from the schoolyard. Although now that Gaby wore long pants he seemed to be more proud than angry when he did cosas de muchacho. Gaby shuddered. They were passing the kitchen with its huge red tile stove with little square windows where branch shaped wood coals burnt ashred. Peri ignored his mother who called after them to come merendar.
They collapsed onto Peri’s bed and wrestled themselves breathless. “Listen!”The high pitched whistle was Peri’s brother Franco calling them outside. They ran out by the kitchen door and followed the whistles to the back wall. Franco waved to them to follow him. Gaby couldn’t believe his luck. Franco washeading to the Rio Caiman. Even after he picked up his friend Marquitos he still let the two boys follow. By the time they reached the bank the big boys were splashing hard, shoving each other's heads under water. Peri, then Gaby stripped fast and jumped feet first into the smooth pool formed by a bowl of huge smooth river stones.
Nothing had ever felt this good to Gaby. The river water was nearly black in the gathering night, warmed by the sun and warmer than the cooling nightfall air. With Franco and Marquito and his best friend Peri with him not once did Gaby think of the caimanes of his bad dreams. He couldn't believe his luck. He had at last gotten to go to the river and now he was in the river. Marquito floated him with his arms under Gaby's knees and waist. Gaby floated on his back and looked straight up at the sky. The pink was fading, and within just one breath the sky was nearly black.
Then Franco took Gaby's feet and pulled him to the shore. The boys climbed out, grabbed their clothes and walked naked along the river bank, letting the air dry them. Gaby shuddered in the cool breeze and ran when the others set off running with Marquito leading the way.
Gaby saw it first and stopped and screamed. The eyeballs were in a little pile in a little hole in the ground. He'd almost stepped right on them, some brown, maybe one green. Maybe the hole had been dug by humans and then covered, but a caiman dug it up. How many eyeballs were there? Gaby didn't count them. He was putting his full effort into not screaming again, into not throwing up.
Franco and Marquito kicked dirt back over the eyeballs and ran through the fields along the river path as far as they could get away with running naked. Not talking they dressed fast, then set off at a trot along the straightest maze of streets to Gaby's house. Marcos and Franco waited until the boys were inside before they left and for this Gaby was glad. Gaby and Peri walked through the almost bare living room, past the wooden cane seat sofa and two chairs, peeked into Papi and Mami's bedroom, saw it was empty. Had they gone to church without even knowing where Gaby was? They jumped into Gaby's bed and lay clutching each other, shaking.
This was so much more than Gaby wanted to know about the future world of grownups. It was a long time until Peri spoke. "I heard my Viejo talking about torturas." Peri's voice was almost a whisper. Gaby nodded. He too had heard the grownups talking of torturas during the saludos after church, and once when he listened in outside the door of the empty room in the middle of the house where Papi kept a table and sometimes wrote his sermons. Gaby had listened because he had never seen Papi take anyone into that room but him. The man who visited was telling Papi he had been torturado. Papi had offered to lead the man in prayer and then in his preacher voice, called out, "Senor, perdonalos porque no saben lo que hacen." He wished Papi had explained to the Lord what torturas were so Gaby could find out, but the Lord knew everything.
All Gaby knew was tortura was like guerrilla and revolucion, adulto words. Gaby could tell the words were important and terrifying and belonged to the domain where he was to be seen and not heard. He wanted meanings for them but could only picture them as empty rooms beyond empty rooms, empty except for miedo. What was bad enough to make even grownups scared?
Except that now the emptiness was beginning to populate with eyeballs. Where were the people who were now walking around with hollow eyesockets? Maybe Peri had fallen asleep. Gaby didn't move. He was afraid to close his eyes. Only by gazing through them could he be sure his eyeballs would remain where they belonged. Mami said he had ojos duros. Well, he'd show her now just how hard his eyes could be.
Next thing he knew he was screaming, screaming, screaming and Mami was leaning over him offering him a cup with warm sugar milk. Peri was gone, and next morning, Mami told Gaby he'd slept through all the commotion of getting Peri pried from Gaby's clutching arms, and handing him to Franco.

After the Sunday night culto Gaby almost never had to go to, Papi took Gaby and Mami straight to the bus terminal on the other side of the plaza. Soldados in caqui uniforms watched the people getting on the bus. One man's suitcase was opened and his tan colored pants were seized. Papi kissed Mami on the lips and hugged her from the side to avoid the big belly, and then he bent down and kissed Gaby and told him to take good care of Mami in the Capital, and of the new little brother he was about to meet, who maybe might turn out to be a sister. After the soldado nodded Papi put Mami's suitcase in the hole under the bus and walked them to their seats all the way in the back where Papi said Gaby would have room to stretch out and fall asleep. Gaby studied Papi. Knowing about the eyeballs by the river did he really think Gaby would ever fall asleep again and leave his eyeballs unwatched? Surely those people must have been sleeping or else how could anybody have stolen their eyes? Gaby settled in by the window and now Papi was peeking into it from outside. The bus had filled and the conductor shut the door. Papi told Mami he would follow the minute he got the telegram.
Then as the bus pulled away, he told Gaby. "Pretty soon you'll fall asleep and when you wake up next morning you'll be in the Capital."
Papi had forgotten he had ojos duros. He watched the people in the plaza, and sitting outside la Tertulia, and walking on the narrow sidewalks. Sometimes under a streetlight he got a good look at a face. But so far, not one of them had been missing their eyes.
He had no intention of sleeping and missing getting a good close look at the purple mountains of La Cordillera Vertebral ringing Los Santos. He only got to see the mountains from very far most times. They were Heaven, he knew, and the stories they told in Sunday school happened there week by week. Sunday school was the only good part of church because he got the news from heaven. Maybe, maybe he'd catch a glimpse of some of the heaven people, maybe Jose with his coat of many colors. Or, maybe he'd catch a glimpse of Peri's sister's novio,El Rubio, because the mountains were also where the rebeldes were and the revolucion (the reason for the torturas) was happening
Mami had long gone to sleep with her head snug in a small feather pillow she'd brought along to cradle her neck and cover her ears. Gaby had his ojos duros wide open when the two men with bandannas on their faces stepped right in front of the bus and made the driver stop short. The men with guns wore green and not caqui. They must be rebeldes and not Heaven people because there were no guns in Bible time. They walked the bus all the way from front to back, bringing their faces (with eyeballs) close to each passenger and asking very loud. "Quien es Simon Carlos?"
Then the men did a second pass, back to front, asking for contributions. This was like Church ofrenda but with long guns Gaby had never seen this close. He'd only seen them from across the street when he passed the soldiers' Cuartel and once in a cowboy movie. But that was very long ago because he seldom went to the Cine. He'd only gone that time because his Prima Cari was visiting from the Capital and Papi took pity that she was bored en el campo. For the most part, movies were sin. Because they were in the back seat Mami had been the second one to give her ofrenda. When the bandanna man came to her she hid the hand with the wedding ring and gave the man her little gold hoop earrings, a gift from her Mother who lived far away, in the Isla, beyond the Cordillera Vertebral.
This man who took the jewels was barely older than Peri's brother Franco. He said Gracias very nicely and had as sweet a smile as Peri's mother when she collected the church ofrenda. Gaby decided not to be scared, or maybe his body already held as much miedo as it could fit. He clutched Mami's hidden ring hand and they filed outside with the others, last on the long line.
In the dark Gaby could make out another bus in front of them, and another one before that. Passengers gathered on the sides of the road saying nothing. A boy not much older than Gaby held a gun to the group Gaby and Mami were brought to. If only Peri were here to see this. How did you get to be a boy with a gun? He felt Mami's hand tremble and he squeezed it. She pulled him over to the boy with the gun and looked down into the Gunboy's shiny brown eyes. "I have to get to the Capital." She pointed to her belly.. "I'm a punto of having a baby."
The Gunboy shrugged. Gaby knew he meant he might have a gun but he was just a boy. He pointed to a larger group gathered on the other side of the road. "Hablele a ellos." Just then Gaby turned his ojos duros their way. Mami took two steps in their direction. The rebels had been yelling but just that instant there was a hush. Gaby saw what had made the silence. One of the men with guns raised his machete and swung it sideways and cut off a man's whole head in one swoop. Peri needed to have seen this because he was never going to believe it. Now his companion was saying Simon Ajusticiado over and over very loud. The killer walked the severed head over to the buses Simon must have once owned. He used the head like a giant crayon. He wrote Simon Ajusticiado with blood on the buses lined up along the road.
Just before dawn, after making all the passengers swear they'd never tell and saying they knew where everybody lived, the Rebeldes vanished into the mountains and let the buses and trucks go. The killer carried the trophy head by its mota of gray hair. The body they left by the side of the road. Gaby stared at it as the bus pulled slowly out of the cuneta and joined the convoy of buses and trucks ahead of it.. He held on to Mami's shaking hand. He could tell even though her body was there, she wasn't. Her eyes had the floaty drifty gaze that always scared him. Maybe there was more than one way to take away somebody's eyes even when the eyes stayed in the person's head. She kept telling him, "No tengas miedo.". He felt one pierce of longing for Papi but the feeling left him, like a punzada after he ran too fast winning races with Peri. If only Peri had also seen this. Maybe, besides Heaven the Cordillera also held Hell.
Gaby studied the towns they passed. Most of these houses had porches all across the front and were made of wood and not adobe like the porchless houses of Los Santos. He watched closely the people (all with eyes) sitting on the porches, entering bodegas and eating places, walking the roads with baskets on their heads. He wondered, did they know what went on in their roadsides at night? He was beginning to get an idea of what tortura, guerra and revolucion might mean. He glanced at Mami. She was asleep. He never intended to sleep again.

In the Capital nobody was there to meet them even though Papi had telegrammed before they left. Mami said they'd probably given up waiting because the bus was half a day late. Mami looked all around them yanking Gaby by the hand to one carro publico after another. All the carros were filled. He wished he was strong enough to carry the black suitcase that was making mami's body tilt to the left.
Gaby only knew he was singing, humming loud, because Mami yelled. "Callate. They'll think you're crazy." He saw the policeman come toward them. But it wasn't because Gaby was singing but to take Mami's bag and walk them to the bus they had to take to get to Abuela's barrio. Gaby kept waiting for Mami to say something about Simon's head. She said nothing. The severed head was going into the same emptiness the gouged eyeballs had gone into. Those empty horror rooms swallowed any information Gaby got.
Mami was almost dragging the suitcase by the time they reached Abuela's house which stood wide, sandwiched between a small house and a warehouse.. Abuela Rosario and Tia Cataline and Prima Cari were jumped up from where they sat nestled in the big columpio and met them at the steps to the wide porch. What could be more wonderful than this porch? None of the houses in Los Santos had porches. This porch was like the movie screen and like the movie audience at once. On the porch you could both be the movie for the passersby and watch the movie they made as they passed. The steps were cracked and the pillars holding up the railing were missing pieces, or missing altogether.
Abuela Rosario grabbed Mami's suitcase. Prima Care was screaming, "Llegaron, llegaron." Gaby felt himself hefted up into the air by Tia Catalina. Up close her eyes through thick lenses were scary but her smile as she set him down made him happy. It was a smile just for him. And here was his Prima Cari kissing him. Last time she'd been a a bit woman but mainly girl but now she was mostly woman. She grabbed the suitcase from Abuela's hand and kissed Mami. "We’ll go to the movies one of these days.." Cari remembered. He didn't expect to be this glad to be in La Capital.
As they walked Gaby studied the curlicues of the moorish designs of the cracked floor tiles and the brown tinted photo of Tia Catalina as a younger woman sitting in a tall cane chair with Cari as a little girl on her lap. The women were talking, Abuela was talking. They asked one question after another not letting Mami answer just the way Papi talked. How was the ride? Did they sleep? Had they eaten? Mami wasn't talking. She wasn't saying anything, let alone one single word about the head.

Tia Cari put the suitcase inside the bedroom between Catalina's, straight across from the long dining room, and Abuela's. This was Cari's own room. Where would she be sleeping?
Abuela drew Mami toward the kitchen. Gaby let Cari take his hand and lead him to the little white enamel kitchen table close to the back door. Mami had gone to "refrescarse" which meant she was in the bathroom. Gaby was given a thick slice of salty white cheese with a slab or red guayaba dulce on top. He took one small bite of cheese and dulce and stared through the door to the little patio between the main house and the kitchen. This was where abuela kept the coop. He studied the three rows of palomitas. Once she had made him a little omelette out of their little eggs. She probably cooked the birds themselves sometimes but Gaby didn't want to know about that. Later he'd make Cari take him to the empty warehouse next door where Abuela kept her milkgoat. He got up for a closer look at the palomitas. He especially liked the white one with just one brown speck on the right wing. She lived in the top middle cage. He looked into her eyes. She seemed to be telling him something his boy mind couldn't understand. He wished he knew bird language. He shuddered to think abuela might kill and cook this palomita into a stew or a soup. But didn't God love everyone? Papi said so over and over in his sermons. And still God had let that man Simon lose his whole head from a single machetazo.

Maybe Mami was sleeping. She was lying on her side in the big bed where, usually, Tia Cari slept. For now Cari got to sleep with Abuela in her big bed in the next room. Gaby heard them talk softly and laugh for a long time. They knew nothing of beheadings, or missing eyeballs and could whisper and laugh in the night. He imagined tiptoeing over to their bed and crawling in between them. But even there he would still know. Their not knowing didn't unhappen it. But still, he longed to lie in bed with Abuela and Cari and be part of secret night jokes.
Mami had a pillow under her top leg and one under her head. He watched the huge belly and wondered if the baby swam all the time or sometimes slept and how it slept unde water.. How the baby got in there he didn't want to ask, not after Peri's brother Franco made it his business to tell him anyway. He touched his own penis and tried to picture Papi putting his into mami's pee hole. He shuddered. Franco had also told him that the baby would be born head first. Somehow the big head (Gaby had seen plenty of big baby heads in Church) came out the very same pee hole the penis went into. There was so much he wanted to know; and so much he wished he didn't know.
Abuela and Cari had long since fallen silent but ojos duros Gaby was still up when Mami began to moan. He lay there wishing he could get Papi to help but he was kilometros away on the other side of the Cordillera, in Los Santos, far away where no one had heard of the severed head. He was surrounded everywhere by people who went through their hours and days not knowing. And here was another secret he was afraid to tell. Should he ask her what was wrong? He should but who would dare? She might swing her hand back to slap him or, with one of her whispered hiss yells, tell him, "Callate diantre." This was his first big secret, la senora del ministro beats her son. The secret nobody knew about in Church, or they knew and they pretended not to know. All around were people who were either stupid, or just as bad as Mami, people who walked into bodegas in the daytime and joked with the lady behind the counter, but who beat their little boys, plucked out eyes, cut off heads. Which was the real person? How could you tell when they were about to switch from one into the other?
Gaby had to bite his tongue wanting to confront them with these secrets when they gathered after the sermon for cafe y bizcochos y saludos, or here in the Capital, when the family gathered around the long dining table for desayunos and comidas. Or just before bed when the the women gathered to feel the baby kicking inside Mami's belly. He'd like them all to know so they too could stay up all night safeguarding their eyeballs by keeping their eyes wide open. They didn't know and when he saw them gathering around Mami as if she were buena he began to forget what he knew himself. Surely the woman they knew and gushed over who was buena was the real Mami. It must be Gaby who was bad, Gaby, who lay here hearing her moaning and doing nothing. Because it must be Gaby's job to get help if Mami moaned. Maybe the time had come for the baby to leave his playa. This must have been what Papi had meant when he said take care of Mami. This was the difference between being an hombrecito and a little boy.
What would an hombrecito, an hombre, do? Who cared or trusted hombres anyway, could they really be so stupid or so bad they didn't know about beaten boys, gouged eyeballs or severed heads? He'd rather watch these grownups than have anything to do with them, and here now was one of the best subjects of his inquiry approaching. Catalina’s husband Tio Justo..He could hear him getting closer, announcing his arrival with the clack of his heels. Tia Catalina made the shoemaker put metal taps on the heels to get them to last longer because when he was on foot patrol he wore out all his shoes.
Gaby studied Tio Justo for many reasons. He wore a dark blue uniform and had a gun (although not a long gun). He said malas palabras whenever he wanted to and Papi said nothing about his curses, didn't even make a face . Mami just smiled even when Tio Justo called somebody a come mierda. Once when Gaby said the very same words (come mierda) she had dragged him over to the toilet bowl and yelled (loud because they were in the house far from the church where nobody could hear her), "Look in there." (There was an unflushed mojon because the toilet didn't always work). "If you say come mierda again you'll have to eat that."
Tio Justo was a policia. Usually when he came home from his patrulla he clacked his heels right past Gaby's room and went straight to his bedroom. But this night he paused by the door and listened to Mami's moans. He did what an hombre would do, what Gaby had been too scared to do, what the Tias had failed to do on their own, he paid attention. Gaby had noticed Tio Justo didn't miss a thing. His gaze was always roaming watching everything. Maybe Gaby could trust him to take over the watching for a while and go to sleep.
Within minutes Justo had alerted the women. Rosario came in, put her hand on Mami's belly and announced it was time to take her to the Hospital de la Policia. Catalina, Justo and Abuela took Mami in a car borrowed from the neighbor two doors down. (Nobody on the block refused Justo anything.) Just when Gaby thought everyone had forgotten him Cari crawled into his bed. It was better not to be alone, but hard. In the soft glow from the sliver of moon he could see through the patio door, Cari looked sweet and completely his. He wanted so much to tell her about the head. But what if he did and the men in bandannas materialized to kill them just the way they said they would?
Cari's eyes were closed and she was breathing but not so slow he could tell for sure she was asleep. He got closer. "Cari, Cari." She opened her picaro brown eyes.
He told her.
He could tell she didn't believe him. He was sorry the moment the words left his lips. He repeated the part about how the men would kill him and Mami (and her and the others) if they told. He made her swear to the new baby not to tell, not Catalina, not Abuela, not Justo, not her novio Oscarito in the photo by her bed.
Afer she slept he lay watching the sky. The moon had disappeared and the sky was getting lighter. Maybe people didn't deserve his secrets. He was still awake when Justo, Catalina and Abuela passed his door. It was time for the women to start the day's kitchen chores. Gaby smelled the cafe brewing in the kitchen and he pretended to be just woken up when Abuela came for Cari, and gently stroked his head to tell him. "You have a little sister.” The day got off to its clatter of sweeping and mopping and its scent of luz brillante and pine oil. But Gaby pretended to be asleep.

Gaby sat in his dark cloud on the rocking chair in the wide hallway, sucking on the milk bottle Mami had let him have even though he was way too old for it. She'd let him keep for himself one of the regalos for the baby . He strained to hear sounds from Abuelo's room across the hall where his parents were now sleeping with La Nina. When Abuelo came home from his job as conductor for a bus that traveled to the interior and back, he would stay in Tio Nacho's room next to the kitchen. Cari's older brother Nacho was away in military school straightening out. What if Abuelo’s buses belonged to the headless Simon? What if Abuelo’s head was cut off?.

Since Papi came back all the women were always saying, like it was something good, that he "Solo tiene ojos para La Nina." Gaby could see Papi only had eyes for his baby sister, it was true but it wasn't good. Now Papi and Mami filed past him, not looking his way, to the mesa del comedor. Mami had La Nina in a little bundle in her arms. He watched the spectacle of the grownups gathered in the comedor for the afternoon merienda adoring little Micaela. She'd been named, like Gaby, after an angel in the Bible. He'd heard Papi tell abuela he expected another boy and was going to name him Miguel. Abuela said thank God they didn't call her Miguelina because she didn't like that name.
Papi had come home in the madrugada bus and had barely looked at Gaby, no ojos for him. Tio Justo had brought Mami home and put her into Abuelo's room with La Nina. What about me! He felt a heat in his chest that wanted to curl his hands into fists and shot hot tears from his eyes. He hadn't been paying attention to Cari talking and now she raised her voice and he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Le cortaron la cabeza." She practically yelled the words. Cari, as always, found how to be the center. She would take attention away from Papi even if she had to tell Gaby's sworn secret to do it. Gaby jumped up from his chair and when he reached them Papi bent down and ran his finger across his neck. Mami kept looking at Micaela who as usual was sucking on her breast. Abuela and Catalina were all laughing. Tio Justo spit out his cafe con leche. Did they really think this was funny? Or did grownups laugh when they were scared? He wanted to bite Cari's arm. Instead he dug his fingernails into his palms. Don't cry. Don't yell. Cari told, even though she'd sworn on the new baby. He looked to see if anything was happening to La Nina. Maybe what would happen would come later like spells and curses in fairy tales.
Micaela unplugged herself from Mami and began to cry. Maybe she cried because of Cari, or because she looked like a raisin all wrinkled up and her jet black hair stuck out around her head like a sea urchin. Un Fenomeno.

Gaby sat in the columpio in the front porch with Cari’s novio Oscarito.. Cari was with La Nina because Papi had taken Mami to the Hospital de la Policia. Gaby prayed she wasn't about to have another Nina. Oscarito had stopped reading his Sucesos magazine so Gaby asked him to make him a dibujo of a horse. Oscarito took his fat black fountain pen from his top guayabera pocket and drew a horse, not a very good one, but still, Gaby could tell it was a horse. Gaby kept his eyes on the horse drawing. He said, "telefono", and Oscarito drew a boxy telephone. Gaby tried hard not to look at the photos Oscarito flipped past quickly to get to a page with some blank space. Still the images had invaded Gaby's eyeballs. A row of bodies on the side of a road; a hillside seen from above strewn with bodies missing parts. Some of the bodies looked like they were melting into the dirt.. There was a photo of a man that looked like Simon, still alive and with a head.
Oscarito drew another horse, this time a bigger one because the advertisement for a muebleria had lots of blank space around the pictures of rocking chairs and beds. He quickly drew another telephone. Gaby took hold of Oscarito's hand. "Let me see the photos." He expected Oscarito to hit him and call him diantre or muchacho presentao. But instead Oscarito said, "I didn't mean for you to see them but you did." Gaby got closer and leaned into Oscar who turned the pages slowly. "Estas son atrocidades." Oscarito's voice was soft but a little like Papi's sermon voice. "These atrocities are because of the Dictator's greed. We're going to stop him. La revolucion is going to change everything. They're frightening but don't stay scared. There are thousands of us fighting for a better world. They do these things to us and more of us rise up. After the rebeldes win there won't be any more need to chop off the heads of vende patrias."
Just then Tio Justo marched up the porch steps in his navy blue uniform. He paused by Oscarito and Gaby in the columpio, looked at the magazine spread open between them. "All we need is for you to fill his head with shit." He marched inside flapping his hand at Oscar. Gaby sat stiff. For one second he pictured himself running into the house after Justo the way Gaby usually did because Justo would have liked that and it was always good to have Justo liking you. He looked up at Oscarito who was looking at him with a thoughtful smile. "You have to feel sorry for him. He doesn't even know which side in this fight is really his."
Gaby chose. He inched closer to Oscarito and crawled halfway onto his lap. Next thing he knew it was dark on the porch so he knew he'd slept at last. When he woke up he sat up hard. What woke him was Simon's head moving its lips. It wanted to say something but it had no throat. Oscarito had let him sleep on his lap for a long time and now that he was up he said softly, "Vamos a merendar." He led him to the back of the house. As they proceeded along the long hallway he turned on the lights.

Mami and Papi had come back from El Medico and Mami and La Nina were reunited in Abuelo's bedroom even though Abuelo was back from la Provincia still with a head, and would sleep in Tio Nacho's little room out back. Gaby could see la Nina sucking away on Mami's tit from where he sat in a rocking chair in the big pasillo between Cari's and his room and theirs. Gaby had seen puppies and kittens do that and had seen Abuela Rosario milk the goat she kept in the big patio. The goat was lose and Gaby could see it through the barred window poking its snout into the shut bottom half of the patio door. He was drinking that goat milk now and trying to shut out talk of the Bautizo de la Nina. He couldn't believe he'd gotten Mami to let him have one of the bottles La Nina had been given as gifts but didn't yet need, since mostly, she got to suck on Mami. He gave himself over to the pleasure of drinking the warm milk. If he drank it very slowly his tongue found the way it was sweet. He held the milk in his mouth awhile and the sweet surprise came if he was patient.

By giving himself over to the sweet milk he could stop himself from hearing Papi and Tia Catalina and Prima Cari planning their trip to Los Santos for the Bautizo de la Nina. Tio Justo would commandeer the neighbor's car. How were they going to fit in the car? He certainly didn't want to hear plans for Gaby and Oscarito to go by bus on their own. Todo para la Nina. He shuddered. He never wanted to cross la Cordillera Vertebral again, not in a car and especially not in a bus.
He sat very still in his rocker hoping to blend. If he sat very still maybe, maybe the world around him would hold still. He sat rocking and sucking and studying the human zoo of the adults. He rocked and sucked and watched and let the sweetness make a wall between him and them, a milky wall, like gauze.
All at once they burst out laughing, Papi, Catalina, Abuela Rosario, Abuelo Elpidio (Papi was named after him), Oscarito and of course Cari who was having one of her ocurrencias. He had never seen anyone else take center stage from Papi anywhere, ever. Cari was repeating her ocurrencia. "Oscarito's Mother let him have his bottle until he was 11." She was clutching his hand. With choteo you couldn't tell if people were hurt when they got teased. Gaby only knew from himself. It always hurt him but maybe Oscarito had thick skin. That's what Papi told Gaby after he was done with a choteo about how big Gaby's feet were, or how Gaby sucked his thumb in his sleep, because Gaby couldn't hide his tears. "Estoy jugando. Tienes que aprender a jugar. I do this for your own good. When you learn to play you get thick skin."
"Mentira." Abuelo almost fell off the taburete he was sitting on, leaning the goat skin chair from el campo against the wall. "It wasn't a bottle Oscarito sucked on. It was his Mother's teta." This time Oscarito joined in the laughter as he turned and walked away over to where the chiva was still pushing the gate with her snout. He put his hand through the iron bars and scratched the chiva's head.
"I remember how he used to run home, desaforao after school, to tear of his Mother's blouse and jump up on her lap to mamar."Abuelo had beaten Cari. That was amazing enough, but what was even more amazing was how loud Papi was laughing. Gaby couldn't remember ever hearing Papi laugh that hard. Even Mami was smiling as she stepped out of the room with La Nina in her arms, covered with a shawl. As always, La Nina was sucking away. He sucked harder on his bottle. Only Gaby and la Nina weren't laughing because how could you laugh and suck at the same time.

He felt himself about to scream and saw his own hand punch Cari's bedroom door. The hand had its own life and went right through the slats. He looked at his hand. The knuckles were bleeding. He felt pain only after he saw the blood. He was in big trouble now. Cari was screaming. "Mi puerta." He felt a hot energy rise up from the middle of his chest into his hands and he punched through the persianas again. He turned back to look at Cari who was coming toward him. Before she could reach him he punched the slats again. Mami burst through the door. "Estas loco?" She screamed for Papi. She came at him. "Crazy malcriado." She raised her arm and brought her hand down hard and hit him on his shoulderblade as he turned away, in front of Papi who'd rushed across the hallway with La Nina (crying as usual) in his arms. Mami had never hit him in front of Papi before. Maybe at last Papi was going to make her stop. She hit him again, in front of Tia Catalina and Abuela Rosario who'd come out of their rooms and stood staring at the shattered door.
Maybe now they would all stop her. But here was Nacho screaming, "Yo le meto mano a este muchacho malcriado." He towered over Gaby, grabbed his arm and yanked him into the hallway through the ripped door. Gaby looked to Papi but Papi was bouncing La Nina and patting her back. Nacho began to beat Gaby where Mami left off not being careful where the blows landed. Gaby felt himself spying the beating from above. His body was very far away from him and the aching in his ass and shoulders reached him from far away, like a movie about his own life.
Abuelo Elpidio shook his head as he studied the slats. "Calmense. Todo tiene arreglo." Abuelo could fix anything. "Suelta al Muchacho." Even though Abuelo said to let him go, Nacho kept dragging Gaby toward his room. Just then Oscarito arrived. "Sueltalo. Me lo llevo yo." Gaby had no idea why Nacho obeyed Oscarito but he let him go. Gaby ran and hid his face against Oscarito's legs.

First Oscarito and Cari took Gaby to the Parque de los Generales. Oscarito flew on the swing looking up at the blue, blue sky, pumping his legs hard.

At last Cari tugged on his hand. "Muchacho, suelta la botella." She pulled Oscarito away from the goat and the three of them marched down the long hall. She and Oscarito were going to llevarlo a pasear. Oscarito had a beat up car that rattled but Gaby was excited sitting on the edge of the back seat looking out the window at the sights of La Capital. He couldn't remember ever riding in a car. In Los Santos they walked everyplace, la Iglesia, la Escuela, la bodega, la casa de Peri, even el Rio were all places he could get to just by walking. There were many more places in La Capital. When he came to La Capital with Mami before La Nina, he'd traveled with her on buses and tranvias to the dentist, to buy shoes. So far the car wasn't making him want to vomit like tranvias did. It didn't have that terrible burnt smell. He stared out the window at the houses with porches that gave way to buildings with three, four, five stories, each with balconies, and then to buildings that looked as old as Los Santos houses but with many stories and little iron railed balcones barely big enough for one chair. Oscarito said. "Vamos al cine." Gaby got to sit in the front seat in between the novios. He curled up with his head on Cari's lap staring at the blue sky through the windshield, watching the drifts of clouds. He felt a strange warmth tingling through his body and realized this was something he hadn't felt for a long, long, time. The feeling of not being scared at all.
La pelicula was de vaqueros. Gaby waited for the moment when the famoso de la pelicula sat on his white horse behind a clump of bushes and a big round rock ambushing los malos in their black clothes and dark horses. He was almost sure this was the very same bushes and rock he'd seen in the other cowboy movie, that the spot was as fixed as the corner outside Abuela Rosario's house, or the meadow by the river, or the entrance to the Parque de los Generales. Now suddenly the scene shifted to the house and el famoso was kissing the woman so Gaby turned his head away. He'd had enough kissing with Cari and Oscarito who had barely looked at the screen once during the movie. He saw the man walk down the row just behind them and pat Oscarito on the shoulder so he finally had to let go of the endless beso. After the man was done whispering into his ear Oscarito whispered to Cari, ruffled Gaby's hair, got up left.
Cari moved next to Gaby, clutched his hand, and began to sob. Gaby kept his eyes on the screen. More than anything he wanted to know how el famoso got el malo and prayed Cari didn't make them get up and go. He never got to know because not long after Oscarito left the movie went off, the cine was pitch black and suddenly swarmed with police men wearing the same navy blue uniform Tio Justo wore, pointing flashlights, swinging their night sticks and telling everyone to leave.
Outside the movie house Gaby stopped short at the sight of swarms of people carrying signs and banners. He saw that almost all the stores were now shut. Cari yanked at his arm. A woman beside them who had also come out of the cine said this was the huelga general the rebeldes had been threatening. Cari began to sob again as she led them into the throng of people flowing like the Rio Caiman. They were chanting and at last Gaby made out what they were saying and began to chant with them. "Abajo la tirania." He didn't know what they meant. But he thought of how he'd like to bring down the grownups who ran his life and for even a little while be the famoso of his own pelicula. Cari too began to chant. It was a long time before Gaby again wondered how in the hell they'd get home or where it was they were heading. They walked and screamed and waved to the people hanging out of windows and balcones and looking from sidewalks. Lots of the people watching joined in as the march went by.
La tirania didn't have enough policias or enough horses to flank the swelling march. Gaby could see the scared face of the young policia high up on a horse. The horse reared like in the movie. He saw the boy policia raise his gun and shoot. Cari pulled Gaby into a side street with a tributary of people who were starting to be crazy. She ducked into the doorway of a shuttered store and pressed Gaby against it. People were running, screaming, falling, getting trampled. A policeman got trapped in a wall of humans. Gaby watched men and women beat and kick him. The pelicula had spilled into real life. Gaby willed his eyes to close but they wouldn't.

Cari knew the way to walk and told Gaby they would get there and he believed her and let himself be led by the hand. He was very tired and he felt his small body moving on its own, separate from his mind which he let shut down as if he were getting a beating from Mami or having a bad dream. At any moment the Rio Caiman would appear and all he would have to do is resist the dream command to jump into the jaws of the caimanes. They didn't have to walk the whole way home, though. When they got to the beginning of the Doblevia a car pulled up beside them. The driver was one of their vecinos and the people in the back seat made room. They each sat on somebody's lap, Cari bent almost double with her head leaning over the front seat and Gaby squeezed into the door. Gaby listened to everybody in the car talk at once. The huelga general was now in its 7th hour and General Olebre's army was conducting a masacre. The way they said masacre he knew it belonged with guerra, revolucion, tortura. He turned his face toward the talkers. "Que es eso? Que es masacre.?" He knew Oscarito would tell him if he was there. And now a young woman squeezed against the opposite door looked straight at him like he was human too and said. "Cuando la tirania mata y mata y mata gente." He saw her clench her fists and bring them to her face and start to cry.
And then at last they were home. He ran in and Papi who was standing on the porch steps swept him up into his arms and kissed him and handed him to Mami and she hugged him and kissed him too and then everybody was hugging and kissing everybody, everybody who was there, Rosario, Catalina, Abuelo Elpidio. Gaby didn't ask where Oscarito or Tio Justo were..
They walked together down the hallway. Gaby saw Abuelo had already fixed the slats he'd punched through in Cari's door. Abuela Rosario fed Cari and Gaby on the long comedor table, rice and beans and carne with olives in the sauce. No food ever tasted better. Mami and Papi didn't say no when he followed them into the bedroom. Mami was by the dresser folding La Nina's clothes and Papi was stretched out on the bed next to La Nina. Gaby crawled alongside her. He waited for them to say, 'No la toques,' but nobody said a word. So he lay with his face next to La Nina's. She was awake and she wasn't crying. Gaby looked into her eyes. They were light brown, the color of brown sugar caramelos, and they had a deep light coming from inside. Watching his hermanita he felt the most wonderful tingling feeling from his chest to his fingertips. He kissed her tiny forehead and took her tiny little hands in his and kissed them. He wished she'd smile at him but he could tell she was loving him too anyway from the light in her eyes and he thought, La Nina knows everything she just doesn't have the words.