Disappointed

08-09-06
I get disappointed when what I figure out doesn't magically stop others from running their patterns. I figure out one way to listen better to my archenemies at work, but that doesn't magically make them stop running their confused, harsh patterns. And my pattern of wanting to live under a permanent metaphorical bed, inside my own blinkered head, rears up.
Yes, well, keep the blocks. I'm not playing.

It's exhausting.

It's more restful to listen as if each moment can be an open moment, each encounter is actually real in the present, and not a reenactment of some fossilized encounter; happening between two living humans and not between rigid categories (my ideology encountering theirs, my agenda encountering theirs, my race, class, etc encountering theirs).