Adolfo the Permanent Invader

21. CRUZER ADOLFO
Thumbdrive/ Cruzer
onight
Writing in my room with the door locked
Where are they? I am more like my mother than I want to know. Her range was numb and enraged. Mine is numb and terrified. (Or possibly those are all the same? Numbed by the weight of terror and rage, or rage and terror leaking. Where are they. Why am I writing.

03 08 11
I am hiding out in my room from Adolfo. Machi hasn'tg come home and I can barely breath. No chance of sleep. But his friend Adolfo is here. My permanent invader.
On the train home there was a sudden stench of gas and I thought, me llego la hora. There were stickers pasted all over the inside of the car, of the Partido de la Felicidad flag, red, yellow, black, with a fist that could be holding anything in the middle. I had the Presidio bombing on my mind. To die from an act of terror in the train. I never knew that fear was in me and it erupted full blown and then the explosion didn’t come and I emerged onto the platform and I thought, Maybe the explosion came and I am dead and this is death, you land in the next life with your memories, reincarnation not to an infant birth but smack in the middle of this life, this moment. I just died but life goes on, heaven and earth forever, an uninterrupted mahabarata of experience, sorting out that question: are they good, am I good, are they evil am I evil, is life good? What is oppression? Why do we know what we know and still hurt each other?
Why do I want to kill Adolfo? Why doesn’t he have verguenza and leave?
Machi isn't home yet and he's left me with this sociopath...